Evolve U

What’s In A Name?

14th September, 2009 - Posted by Shaunice Hawkins - No Comments

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”

Our mothers were wrong.  I believe they meant well when they taught us to use this refrain as an  invisible shield to ward off vicious insults that were frequently hurled at us by schoolyard bullies and clique-ish “Gossip Girls”. However, our mothers (bless their dear, well-intended hearts) were wrong…names do, indeed, hurt. 

A “name” – a word or combination of words by which a person (place, thing, body, class, object of thought, etc.) is designated, called or known – is important because it tells others who we are, how we’re unique and/or what culture, tradition or lineage we might belong.  Of equal, if not greater significance than a name itself, is the etymology (or meaning) of a name and the process by which that name is chosen.  Everything from socioeconomic stature, environmental conditions, virtues, beliefs, visions, dreams, cultural and familial pride, to life’s milestones influences what we are named, who we are named after, how we are named, so forth and so on.  Whether Ahmed, Aishwarya, Imani, Justice, Ramón, River or Sam, our names help to fashion our identity.

There are other names that tend to shape our identities as well.  Names such as “failure,” “loser,” and “worthless” subconsciously influence who we think we are, what we believe we can accomplish, our value and our worth.  These names not only distort our opinion of ourselves but they also impact our perception of others and how we believe they see us.  Typically stemming from childhood, slanderous names such as “fraud” and “idiot” root deep within our subconscious.  They follow us into our adult lives with the intention of repeatedly and unapologetically smearing our reputations and thwarting any accomplishment we might achieve.  We deem ourselves less  - less competent, less adequate, less endearing – because of the dominion these names have on our psyches, personalities, actions and subsequent  successes.  These names hurt.  The wrong name can be a “scarlet letter” or a symbol of scorn and disgrace. However, the right name can be a badge of honor and respect. 

Imagine being known as a “winner” and “high achiever”;  ”innovative” and “keen”?  How about “worthy” – worthy of love, worthy of happiness, worthy of success and reward?  We can, with a transformation of mindset, overcome defamation and correct the misinformation that we (and what we think others) believe.  Here’s how…

First, we need to let go of falsehoods. After years of hurtful and destructive name-calling, we’ve amassed a considerable amount of baggage.  These internalized names are based on opinion, not fact.  They are meritless. Let’s lay aside the weight of others’ pessimism and jettison that negativity from our minds, hearts and lives. 

Try This: On a piece of paper, make four columns.  In the first column, write out every disparaging name or negative criticism ever attributed to you or your reputation by another.  In the second column, write down when you first heard (timeframe) the offending label either by age (i.e. childhood, adolescence, early adult) or era (i.e. elementary school, high school, work). In the third column, write down an accomplishment or success you experienced during that timeframe. (For example,  (second column, third line: “high school”; third column, third line: “won school’s chess championship”).  In the fourth column, verify the validity of the labels listed in the first column against the achievements listed in the third column by writing write “true” or “false”  (see sample chart below).  Performing this exercise will prove that the names ascribed to you are, in fact, unsubstantiated.

Read This: How to Overcome Negative Thoughts or Feelings

 

Sample Chart:

Column I: Labels	Column II: Timeframe	Column III: Achievement/Feat	Column IV: Validity
Dummy	Childhood	Best speller in Mrs. McLaughlin’s class	False
Selfish	Adulthood	Red Cross volunteer	False
Loser	High school	Won school’s chess championship	False

 

Next, we must remember who we are. Focusing on our negative qualities and constantly criticizing ourselves only devalues our self-worth and diminishes our self-esteem.  We have to use the power of positivity to reprogram how we think.  

Try This: Make a list of what you like about yourself (strengths, skills, aesthetics, etc.).  Grab a few Post-it notes and with a bold marker, one write one word or phrase from your list onto each and post them around your house (i.e. bathroom/bedroom mirrors, kitchen cabinets, television) where you can see them.  Every day, as you transition through the house, say aloud, “I am (and read the word or phrase you see on the Post-it)”.  For example, “I am smart” or “I am successful”.  Do this each time you see a new Post-it.

Read This: How to Boost Your Self-Esteem with 7 Strategies that Produce Results

Finally, we have to establish new names.  The best way to detach from a negative identity is to replace it with a new positive one.  This may entail reading daily affirmations, being more selective as to whom we allow to nurture us and/or seeking the assistance of a self-help coach or therapist.  We must remember the quote, “I think therefore I am”.  If we want to be more than what we believe ourselves to be, we must speak those things into existence. Then, we must take steps to build a personal community that will support us and champion us.

Try This: Make a list of all of your friends, associates, affiliates (family members, too) in one column.  Think about the most recent conversations you’ve had with each. Average the conversations into two categories: positive or negative. In the column next to their respective names, write down “positive” if the conversations have been majorly positive and uplifting.  If the conversations tend to take ugly turns and leave you feeling terrible, specify “negative”.  With a black marker, cross out all the names that have the word “negative” next to them.  After making your selections, review the list.  Those with “positive” next to them are the ones you should keep in your inner circle. 

Read This: How to Maintain a Great Reputation and Who’s in Your Five

 

FINAL THOUGHT
People’s fates are simplified by their names.  ~Elias Canetti