Evolve U

Letting Yourself Go

12th January, 2010 - Posted by Shaunice Hawkins - No Comments

 

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering.
Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”
Thich Nhat Hanh

 

In the aforementioned quote, Buddhist monk, author, poet, peace and human rights activist, Thich Nhat Hanh, eloquently highlighted one of the most poignant flaws plaguing the human condition: holding on to what holds us back.  In other words, we would rather “let ourselves go” by living in the secure confinement of despondency than to “let  go of ourselves” by existing in the uncharted freedom of hope and faith.  How counterintuitive!

In the first example of “letting ourselves go”, we subconsciously lose the essence of who we are in our internalized grief. The emotional and mental deficit that accompanies grief then manifests itself externally and is further reflected in our dress, walk, speak and the way we carry ourselves.  Our abject demeanor says to others that we exist only because we have to, not because we want to.

Grief seizes our emotional, physical, cognitive, behavioral, social and philosophical selves and holds us hostage. Whether triggered by a sudden loss caused by an unanticipated event (divorce, job loss, foreclosure) or by a loss related to a normal life change (aging and maturing), grief creates an overwhelming distress that can only be alleviated by reinvesting our emotional energies.

To liberate ourselves the from hold of grief, we must consciously choose to move past those things that instigated our initial sense of loss.  As in the second example above, we have to let go of the familiarity of who we have become (broken, wounded, offended) in order to exist in who we are (loving, full of purpose).  By “letting go of ourselves”, we take bold steps toward realizing our truest selves and daring leaps towards achieving freedom. Thusly, it is this freedom that will ultimately gives us the authority, independence, autonomy and permission to pursue those things that make us whole.

Here are seven ways you can “let go”.

1. Embrace change.  If change were easy, it wouldn’t be called, “change”.  To embrace change means that you are willing to adapt to and adopt whatever transformations, conversions and modifications life brings. Choosing versus rejecting change allows you greater freedom to navigate circumstances and pursuits on your terms rather than having them steer you on theirs.
2. Lose control.  It is said that “control” is the “greatest addiction”.  While it is a useful tool in exercising restraint and regulating checks and balances, if utilized improperly, control will not only curb but can eventually eliminate opportunities for creativity and innovation.  Every now and then, be spontaneous and change your routine.  By doing something differently you’ll discover something new.
3. Be courageous.  Taking the first step in any new process, procedure or endeavor is always the hardest.  To be courageous means that you are brave and fearless and ultimately willing to bear the uncomfortableness of accomplishing a thing you believe you cannot do.  Gather your nerve and take the first step.  You can accomplish so much more than you think you can. 
4. Forgive yourself.  Forgiveness is one of the most audacious act one could ever perform because it takes conscious, purposeful effort to cease to feel resentment against, cancel indebtedness of and grant pardon to one who committed an offense.  Oftentimes, we feel that offender is us.  Stop carrying guilt and shame for past decisions. Take comfort in those actions you felt were at the time appropriate and if/when necessary, learn from your mistakes.  Forgive yourself and you’ll find freedom.
5. Make your own happiness.  Gone are the days when our egos held the keys to our happiness.  In recent years, much of whom we envisioned ourselves and our successes to be were tied to our jobs, money, possessions and relationships.  It’s time to ascertain what intrinsically inspires you and build your bliss around that. A great start is to ask yourself, “If money weren’t an issue, what would I like to accomplish?  What wakes me up in the morning?  What am I passionate about?”   
6. Discover your “WOW” factor.  Identify and acknowledge one thing about you that takes your breath away.  It can be anything from being a compassionate confidante or the best dancer in salsa class to being the “top chef” of your social circle or nailing your presentation at the company’s leadership offsite.  Whatever it may be, marvel at who you are and what you have to offer. 
7. Love.  If you are feeling dejected, unloved and depressed, love is the perfect antidote.  It was once quoted, “it is in giving that we receive”.  By giving love, you’ll receive love and all of its accoutrements (joy, happiness, affection, devotion) with interest. Consider volunteering at a local shelter, mentoring a child or building homes for the homeless; you’ll be accepted, appreciated and fulfilled in no time.

 

FINAL THOUGHT

Stand up and walk out of your history. ~ Phil McGraw